No, this is not from the Onion...

Van Who?
Hagar, Roth share the driving on hard-rocking tour

By Mark Brown, Rocky Mountain News
June 18, 2002

Ladies and gentlemen, Diamond Dave and the Red Rocker.

The first and second singers for Van Halen - David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar - have survived the band and lived to tell the story (short-timer Gary Cherone lasted only one album after replacing Hagar).

It's just the latest bizarre chapter in the most dysfunctional band since, well, maybe ever.

Roth was booted in '85. Hagar replaced him and lasted 11 years before getting the boot. Then Roth was back in. Then he was out. Then Cherone was in. Now he's out.

Temperamental guitarist Eddie Van Halen, sidelined for a couple years by cancer therapy, has remained silent on this tour, as has brother/drummer Alex. Bassist Michael Anthony actually has joined Hagar on a couple of shows, including one last week in Chicago.

Roth and Hagar, however, are tanned, rested and ready to rock, playing their own Van Halen hits on what they say will be their only tour together. Roth does his signature hits (Jump, Hot For Teacher) and Hagar does his (Dreams, Poundcake).

"At this very moment I'm wearing my best tactical spandex and I'm on heightened alert," Roth says.

Incredibly, the two had never crossed paths through the years - not on the road, not in Hollywood, not at parties. They first came face-to-face in the office of Hagar's manager, Irving Azoff, a few months ago.

But detente doesn't equal brotherly love. They have declined to perform together so far: "Absolutely not," Hagar snaps.

"There were three issues: One, who's closing every night? Number two, who's name goes first? And number three, how long do we play onstage each?" Hagar says. "We cut it right down the middle."

They trade off closing slots: Whoever closes the show gets top billing (Hagar closes the Fiddler's Green show Wednesday night). Each plays the same length of time. Each gets half the money.

But they tell the story best themselves. Via phone in separate interviews, here's the Gospel According to Sam & Dave:

How did this tour happen?

Roth: "I initiated it. It's been colorful and positive since."

Hagar: "It was actually Dave's idea. But it was all of our ideas in the sense that when I first left Van Halen ... my agency called up Dave's agency to see if he wanted to get together and go out with me. He said 'No way, I'm getting back in Van Halen. Gary Cherone will be there for five minutes, then I'm in there.' Then (earlier this year) I get a call from Dave saying 'Hey, let's work together, see if we can work something out."

Roth: "This had come up many times before. But it's probably more poignant of a statement now than it was before. I don't know if we're warring superpowers or mere singers of songs. But if we can get along - what a great example."

How was the first face-to-face?

Hagar: "When I walked in the room it was uncomfortable to meet Dave for the first time. Normally you say things like that about each other, you meet the guy, you're gonna go to blows, right? But as soon as the guy puts the hand out and says 'Hey, there's been a lot of things said in the past, but let's forget about all that and start from now.' I said 'right on.' Sit down. We hashed a lot out. We stood up at the end, shook hands and said 'Let's do it.'"

Who's saving whom here?

Roth: "Up till this very moment, I keep hearing allusions of celebrity boxing. I think we may have saved Sam from having to do that. And that's a privilege. That's a real (stinkin') privilege.

Hagar: "Believe me, he's getting the better deal. I think we all know this, right? Without sounding too egotistical, this is a fact. We know Dave is getting a better deal out of this. But I'm fine with that."

Roth: "He said that? Go figure."

Who started the 15-year war of words?

Roth: "I think most of the feud came from Sam."

Hagar: "He knows better than to be downing me. Van Halen was patterned after Montrose. Montrose was my first band. Michael Anthony told me about how Dave would sing (Montrose songs) Rock Candy and Make It Last. Eddie would be saying 'Yeah, let's do our hair like Sammy Hagar.' Dave grew up on me."

Roth: "My friend, if Roth's not in the band, who gives a (expletive)?"

Hagar: Pre-Hagar Van Halen "never had a No. 1 record. They had a No. 2 record. We went on straight to No. 1. Sold out every place in the world. We got bigger and badder, and I think that hurt him. And quite honestly, I was happy it hurt him at the time. I think that's why Dave said all those things about me."

What's the current state of the Van Halen brothers?

Hagar: "The truth of the matter is these guys haven't done anything toward doing anything. If they started today, they're a year away from being able to play a gig or put a record out. I don't know what their problem is, and Mike (Anthony) doesn't know either."

Roth: "The only thing Eddie Van Halen has really been guilty of over the years is wasted time. I'm frustrated for the audience. Wasting time in a business where three summers is a career - that's suicidal. I only feel suicidal in the mornings."

Hagar: "I didn't like the way the band ended. Big deal. Life goes on. Pick up the pieces and roll. But these guys can't seem to get it together. Obviously there's a huge problem in that camp that I don't understand and Mike doesn't understand and Dave doesn't understand. (laughs). I'm not joking. It's (stinkin') funny, all right, but I just don't get it."

Roth: "What you have is a formless, rudderless, wandering, leaderless bunch there. It's unfortunate. (Music) requires a formative, focused thinking, as you would with any group or team. That no longer exists for the Van Halens. They've lost their record contracts. This will be the first headlining tour that either Sam or I do where we're not underwriting Alex Van Halen's alimony payments."

Hagar: "There's no animosity whatsoever between me and those guys. I have no problem with them and I'm not trying to get back in the band - because if I was, I'd call them."

Any possible Van Halen reunion?

Hagar: A huge charity concert in Las Vegas last year would have reunited Hagar, Roth and the band, "and no one was interested in that. Their attorney said they'd never work with Dave again. It was him that was the problem; they said that they wouldn't work with the guy, they've tried it for five years, whatever. So I just stayed out of it. Who gives a (expletive)? I'm fine."

What would it take to put the band back together?

Hagar: "All they'd have to do is have Eddie pick up the phone and call me and say 'Sam? It's Eddie. I'd like to talk to you.' I'd meet him in Cabo. Go for a walk on the beach. Go fishing. No music. Not yet. First, I'd like to spend two or three days with this guy, see if we can be friends again, see if his head is in a decent place again. I don't want to go back to where we were. I'm not into that. I wanna say 'How are you today? Can I be friends with you? If I can, can we make music together?'"

Roth: "The Van Halens cannot play this stuff as well as this current band, I can assure you. That kind of music requires a lot of calories and a lot of focus. Eddie Van Halen physically is not in good shape."

Hagar: "Irving and I were kinda planning somewhere down the road a Sam and Dave reunion with Van Halen. But we knew the time wasn't right now. Eventually, this has gotta happen. But Dave and the band have bumped heads ... so we knew it had to wait."

Are they having fun on this tour?

Hagar: "The last couple of years (with Van Halen) weren't that much fun. Since then, I've been having nothing but fun. The second it's not fun, I'm out of there."

Roth: "'Fun' is a word that I usually equate with Dr. Pepper ads. I'm not a Pepper. (Instead of fun, the tour is) mind-roasting, religion-getting, shot-straight-through-the-ceiling, hallelujah-erotic, nothin'-but- yeah! That kind of effort takes a lot of preparation."

What's the show like?

Roth: "I sell Technicolor, wraparound smiles that work so good that you think your (stinkin') skull is gonna fall off. People come out of my shows three feet off the tarmac. It's all or nothing."

Hagar: "To have Diamond Dave's Backyard Barbecue join the Cabo Wabo Party is pretty cool. Win or lose, it's gonna be good for everybody."

Roth: "Last night that crowd walked out glowing like the slow guy at Chernobyl. At the end of the day, that's all that counts. Shut up, plug in and play it like they paid us."

yeah, this tour blew through here a few weeks ago. some people i know went and said it was a great show. they are co-headlining, switching off days, but of course the Red Rocker headlined here in STL, his professed homeland.

i'd love to hear Dave doing old VH again. i saw them on his last tour, the 1984 tour, and it was fucking great.

some classic quotes in there though:

Diamond Dave wrote:At this very moment I'm wearing my best tactical spandex and I'm on heightened alert

Dave wrote:Last night that crowd walked out glowing like the slow guy at Chernobyl.

nice!

Yeah, I liked that last line in particular too. Dave's always been good for a one-liner or two!

I caught about half an hour of their show here in Dallas. Sammy was great and had a good stage show. Roth was running around backstage bitching and moaning about Sammy playing too long and generally being a prick. Didn't get to see any of his performance though. He looked really old and worn out. Too bad too, as I like the Roth Van Halen stuff better. Don't know how his performance went, but from what I saw of him I'd be surprised if his energy lasted two songs.